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In her opening entry, blessed_harlot asked, How is hunger manifesting in your life these days? In what ways do you trust your desires?

There is a lot of hunger in my life right now -- in part because I am allowing myself to hunger for the first time in a long time. I'm allowing myself to enjoy my hunger for deeper connection and intimacy, and for lots of intense and fun sex. I'm allowing myself to hunger for a better job and to take the risks that are necessary to assuage that hunger.

I'm also hungering to come a new place in my spiritual life. I'm in all kinds of transitions right now -- actually, I'm finally seeming to come to a place of fruition after a long chrysalis period (please forgive my mixed metaphor). My spiritual life has upheld me during this transition, but the old forms aren't working for me. However, I'm on a twisting path spiritually, so this doesn't frighten me. It's part of my pattern. I need to embrace the freefall and be open to the whispers and subtle new hungers that will lead me into new forms and practices.

I have virtually always trusted my hungers. I have believed that my desires were indications of my authentic nature, and I have honored that. Too often I've indulged greed instead of imposing gentle discipline on myself, instead of practicing discernment on my desires. These last few years have been uncharacteristic in that regard, but becoming a mother and getting divorced had a powerful impact.

My hunger for security and for the ability to take care of my daughter and not be dependent on ex-husband or on father reduced the little tolerance for risk I've had, so I've stifled my hungers for 'more' at work, and kept my head down and told myself how lucky I've been to have the job I've had. My heart-pain numbed my heart-hungers, and I told myself that was okay. I didn't need romantic love, intimacy, shared sexuality, partnership.

It's good to hunger again.
It's good to hunger and to have some of those hungers satisfied.

[x-posted to my personal journal]
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
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